Happiness

It's occurred to me recently, especially in those moments when I have way too much time to think (which has been happening way too often recently), that being happy isn't exactly conducive to writing horror.

I always found I tend to write better when I'm upset or just downright pissed off. The ideas for horror stories would flow faster than I could write them. I still have a few of those ideas rattling around in my brain, just waiting for me to finish what I'm currently working on so I can devote my full attention to them.

Here are a few of the things on my plate at the moment:

1. I'm currently working on a WAR themed story for a group I belong to. No plans on markets to submit this piece to, we all just decided to all write stories on a specific theme in order to help the creative juices flow. This story has been on a standstill for the last week, but I had an "AHA!" moment a few days ago, and I think I've finally figured out which direction this story wants to go, so I should have a first draft completed very soon.

2. I have just about finished editing another story. I'm very pleased with how this one turned out and I'm hoping to find a home for it soon.

3. Once those two stories are out of the way, I have another piece to write. This one won't be a horror story, but just a weird tale that I can't seem to get out of my head. I didn't want to start writing it until worked out some sort of ending for it, which I think I have now, so once I'm finished with the two tales mentioned above, I'll write this one next.

4. I spoke to a friend of mine, who is also a writer, about collaborating on a novella. He seemed pretty excited about the idea, so I told him I would shoot off some concepts I have to him (there are 3 novella ideas rattling around in my brain at the moment) and see if he digs any of them, and once we're both finished with the projects we have going, we might do this thing.

5. Even though the YA fantasy has been on hold for quite some time, I have every intention of getting back into it ASAP. I still love the idea for this book, and I want to get it done a s quickly as I can, while still making it as good as I can get it. With other stories I've been writing, I haven't been able to devote as much time to it as I'd like, but I'm hoping that will change in the near future.

6. The horror novel is on hold for the time being. I need to flesh it out a bit more before I can continue on with it.

7. I've been thinking about doing NaNoWriMo this year. For those of you who don't know, NaNoWriMO is an event in which during the month of November, you basically write an entire novel. 50,000 words is the goal. I thought it would be a good challenge, and I came up with two novel ideas I'm kicking around. The only thing holding me back is that Both ideas are SF. One is hard SF, and the other is more of a screwball comedy taking place in SF setting. I'm not very well-versed in the genre, which is why I'm skeptical about trying either of these ideas for NaNOWriMo. But, we'll see. I may decide to do it yet.

So, those are the things that are on my plate these days.

But back to what I orginally set out to talk about here. Happiness.

I get way too much time to think these days, and I'm going through a lot of bullshit in my life right now, yet I realized today, that I am quite content with my life at this point. I'm confused by this, because I figure with everything going on, I should be hanging out of a window fifty stories up, wondering if life is really worth it.

But I'm not.

Despite everything going on, I've been spending an enormous amount of time with my kids. Right now, I get them every other week, and the time spent with them has been amazing. The kids and I have had a great time playing baseball, going to the park, taking the dog for walks, or just staying at home and watching a movie, or even building a fort for them in the living room. It's been wonderful, and I marvel every day at how I played a part in the creation of these beautiful human beings.

On top of that, I got married on August 22nd. It was a small, outdoor wedding, and rain threatened to interrupt it the entire time, but the day went off without a hitch. Not a drop of rain showed up, the temperature was just perfect. My brother and his wife even made it up, despite living in a different country, and my brother served as best man, while my wife's sister was the maid of honor.

We didn't have a lot of people there (between 40 or 50) but it was great. I preferred having only those closest to us present. One person couldn't attend, and I was disappointed, but it still worked out great.

So, I am now on my second marriage and it is world's apart from the first one.

In my first marriage, I was demeaned, controlled, and I felt worthless. It got to the point where I used to call work and ask if I could go in, just to get away from that atmosphere. I was made to feel like I didn't matter.

My new wife, is caring, supportive, and with her I feel like can accomplish anything. She never puts me down. Instead, she encourages me to strive for my dreams, and she'll do anything she can to help make them a reality. For the time in many years, I don't dread coming home. I look forward to it. I love waking up in the morning and having someone beside me. Even the days when we're both in the house doing our own thing, I still feel comfort just having her nearby. I've never felt this way with another person, and at times I feel like I don't deserve someone as wonderful as her.

Which brings me to the point that I brought up at the beginning of this blog: When I'm at a stage in my life when I'm this happy, I suddenly don't always feel about writing about the walking dead, people disemboweling each other, monsters, demons, or any other topics which make the horror genre. Which might be where these ideas for fantasy and SF stories have come from all of a sudden.

Maybe once I start learning how to cope with being happy (yes, it's been long enough that I actually now have to learn how to handle happiness,) I can use it to my advantage for writing in the genre which I have known and loved for many years.

In the meantime, we'll see what my brain comes up with for stories in the meantime.

Cheers.

The Third and Fourth Born

Yes, I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything on here. Life has been busy and pretty much kicking me in the balls lately.

So, before I finish off the "Happiest Days of my Life" series I began several months ago, here's a bit of an update as to what's been going on the past few months.

1. I submitted a story to an anthology, and still have not heard back as of yet. I'm hoping that this is a good sign and the story is still in the running.

2. I moved back to my hometown of North Bay, Ontario. It is a city I have always hated (still do, as a matter of fact) but I get to see my kids and that's all that matters.

3. I got married for the second time in my life, and I could not be happier with my new wife. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met and she is extremely supportive, especially with my writing. She is very uplifting and encourages me to follow my dreams. I'd be lost without her.

4. The book project that I have going with a few other authors has been put on hold temporarily due to unforeseen circumstances. Hopefully, we will be putting it out in the near future.

So, in the last blog I discussed the birth of my second child. In this third and final installment of a series where I decided to discuss the four happiest days of my life, I will talk about the birth of my third and fourth children.

Yes, I am aware that the first two got a blog each to themselves, but I decided to combine the last two for various reasons, which I will go into later.

For now, on with the show:

March 19th, 2004:

In those days, I worked as a screening officer at an airport here in North Bay. It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds. While at work, I got a call from my wife, to tell me that she had started to feel labor pains. I asked if she wanted me to come home.

Apparently she was still at the birthday party of a friend's child, and she wasn't ready to leave yet. So, I hung up the phone and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I ended up finishing my shift, which ended at 8pm. I rushed home, wondering what the hell was going on.

When I got there, imagine my surprise when I find my wife sitting on the couch talking to her sister, who just happened to show up on our doorstep when her little sister was in labor. Wht's even more amazing is the fact that I don't recall her asking me for money once while she was there that day.

So, what happened?

Well, since everything was okay, we were finally allowed to have our home birth. So, my third child, another boy, was born at our home at 8:30 pm. Yes, only half an hour after I got off work, we had a child. Amazing how things work out sometimes.

So, now we had another baby in the house. A beautiful little boy. Only problem was, we had no idea what we were going to name him.

For each of the two older ones, we had the names picked out months before they were born. For whatever reason, we had yet to decide on a name for this new bundle of joy.

We spent about two hours discussing it, and tossing out ideas to each other, until I finally made a suggestion and we both agreed it was a good name. And we kept it, and signed the paperwork and our child finally had a name.

Then I realized that we had 4 or 5 friends that had kids with the exact same name. I was slightly disappointed, but looking back on it, I don't regret it. It really is a good name.

He's five years old now, and he is the exact opposite of his older brother. While the older boy is sensitive and introspective, this one is very outgoing and rambunctious. I see the older one being a poet, or musician or another type of artist, while the younger I think will be an athlete of some kind. Maybe a football player.

He likes to joke around and he's very silly. He craves attention. There is never a dull moment with him around.

He is such a joy to have around.

August 1st, 2005:

The fourth child, I am saddened to report is the only of my four children at whose birth I was not present.

By that time, the mother and I had separated.

I was sleeping in that day, as I had played in a bar the night before and I was really tired. So, I get a phone call in the morning, waking me up. I had half a mind to not even bother answering the phone. Especially when I looked at the caller id and saw that it was my soon-to-be ex-wife calling.

Still, I picked it up, probably out of morbid curiosity, and was informed that I was the father of another beautiful little girl. I was told her time of birth, weight, and name. I mumbled something, I can't really remember what, and hung up the phone. I think I was in shock.

I lay back down, but I couldn't get back to sleep. I imagined in my head what my new baby looked like. I was sad that I wasn't there to see her being brought into the world as I had with my other children. I was really upset that I hadn't held her yet, even though she was more than a few hours old at that point.

That was not only one of the best days of my life, but also one of the worst. I felt like a failure as a father to not be able to be there during the birth.

I should have been there, but circumstances prevented it from happening.

She is four now, and is the spitting image of her older sister. They even look alike, and the younger one tries to emulate her older sister.

She is very outgoing, just like her older sister was, and rarely displays any form of shyness. She is playful, and very imaginative. She will make up games to play on the spot, that may seem odd to us as adults, but she is very creative in what she comes up with.

She is such a cutie. I couldn't imagine life without her.

So, the reasons I chose to do the two younger children in one blog are:

1. It's been a long time in between posts and I wanted to finish this series and move on to other things.

2. There isn't as much to these stories as there were to the first two. they were longer births and longer stories.

I don't wish this in any way to take away from the births of the two younger children. I love them just as much as their older siblings. I have no favorite when it comes to my kids. They are all equal in my eyes.

So, this concludes my series on "The Four Happiest Days of My Life." I hope that one day they will read these blogs and know that I still do, and always will, remember the day they were born as if it happened only yesterday, and that they will know that I love them and would do anything for them.

If you're reading this, thank you for taking this journey with me. It has been wonderful to relive those memories, and I hope to share more such memories in the future.

Thank you to my children for all the moments of happiness you have brought to me. Life wouldn't be the same without you. I love you all.