Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Memories

I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last night. Why? Because it's a weird movie, it's a well-written movie and, despite being kind of sad, it's also a movie full of hope. And right now hope is what I need.

I've been going through a lot of stress in my life right now, and for the last few weeks, I've been at the point where everything either irritates me for just flat-out pisses me off. I'm irritable and over-emotional (as those of you who are following me on Twitter got to witness this past Monday).

So, I watched this movie for the first time in a while, and it brought up a few things in my mind.

I won't give away the plot for those of you who haven't seen it, but I will say the movie asks this question: "If you could erase the memory of someone to alleviate the hurt of losing them, would you do it?"

Now, while watching this movie, a lot of my own memories were brought up, especially my ex-wife, since the movie deals particularly with removing the memory of an ex.

So, I began to remember how hurt I was when my marriage ended. I remembered all of the bad memories I have of her (and there are a lot of bad ones). Our marriage was never really a happy one. We have had more bad times than good. There was a lot of pain and we both threw hurtful words at each other recklessly. The years I was married were definitely painful ones for both of us.

I began to ponder that if it were possible to erase my ex from my memory, would I do it?

I must admit, it's very tempting. I mean, to be able to rid myself of all those painful memories, which still haunt me today? Where do I sign up?

But there are a few things which make the decision more difficult.

First of all: Yes, we do have a lot of bad memories. But, we have a lot of good ones too. I can still remember the day I graduated high-school and when, after the ceremony, I found her in the lobby and I remember how beautiful she looked in her light blue outfit. I remember the time we got caught in the rain, and we laughed so much when we got back to my place soaken wet. And when I first proposed at the waterfront of Lake Nipissing, at night under the stars. I remember the day we became parents for the first time. I remember how nervous I was to be a father at such a young age, but I also knew that i had someone with me, and that made it so much better. It helped alleviate almost all of my fears.

Which brings me to second point: If I were to erase my memories of my ex-wife, what about my kids? Would I forget that they're my kids? I wouldn't take that chance. My kids are too important to me.

So, to answer my question at the beginning of this post: Would I erase the memories of my ex-wife if I had the chance? Not on your life!

Anyway, because of the stressful situation I am going through right now, I need some happy thoughts. So, what I will do starting tomorrow (or tonight if I feel up to it) is over the next week or so I am going to post 4 blogs detailing the 4 happiest days of my life. That's right, I am going to relive my 4 happiest memories: the births of my children. Why? Because I'm stressed out, I'm depressed and I need this right now. I need to remember the times that I truly felt happy in my life, and what better way to that than to remember how the most important people came into my life.

I hope you will join me as I relive these memories. These stories are quite funny and I hope you will find them entertaining and heart-warming at the same time.

The first of these posts will be tonight or tomorrow and I expect to have them done in the next week or two. They will not be in any order of favoritism. They will go from the oldest ot youngest. So, please tune in for a series of 4 blogs that I am calling: "The Happiest Days of My Life."

Bye for now,


And if you're reading, please leave a comment to tell me if you're interested in reading this series at all.

Joe.

4 comments:

Liz said...

I'm completely interested. Your children are a huge part of your life. In learning about their births and how that affected you, gives great insight into who you are. It's also quite cathartic...and isn't that the point?

As for the erasing memories... I'm sure there are a few memories in everyone's lives that we wish we could get rid of, but I always try to look at these memories as an opportunity for learning and growing. You had both good and bad times with your ex. But don't you feel that through the bad times and the mistakes made in your first marriage, you've learned a lot that you can use in your upcoming marriage and in your current relationship? Our past makes us who we are. If we erase someone or something, don't we then change who we are?

I'm looking forward to your next post. Keep writing!!!

Brick Top said...

Yes, I am interested.

This is a good idea. I'm sorry you are depressed, and I know writing always helps me.

Keep it up.

Robert G. Male said...

Glad to hear you're looking to add some happiness back into your life. This is really the time for it when everything kind of sucks.

Neil said...

Yes I'm interested to read the series. All of the events in life make us what we are, good or bad.