I'm sitting on my couch listening to some angry music. I tend to listen to music that suits my mood. Currently the angry music blasting from my stereo speakers is The Headstones first album Picture of Health.
Why am I pissed off? Because right now I feel like I've been betrayed by a friend. My friend Dan told me he would call me today to help him do some work renovating a bathroom. I was to be paid for this service, and to tell the truth, I could really use the money right now. I talked to him yesterday and was told that he would call me this morning. He never did. I know he's home because he lives two doors down and I can see his truck parked in front of his house.
The least the fucker could have done was call me to say that the job was cancelled, seeing as I booked the whole fucking day to do this goddam job.
Let this be a lesson to all of you....Never work for your friends. It almost always ends badly.
That's it for now.....
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Finally!!!
Okay, so it has been a weird (and I mean weird in a good way) couple of weeks. In the last few weeks or so, I got engaged (this will be my second marriage) and I recieved my first ever acceptance letter. My zombie story "As in Life, So in Death" (Thanks to Kurt for the awesome title and to Bryan for help with the idea.) will be published in the March issue of SNM Horror Mag. Yes, I am aware that it is not a paying market and some professional writers may scoff saying that if it doesn't pay, it's not worth the time. However, seeing as I sent my first story away 15 years ago, I am just proud that an editor thought that my story was good enough to be published over others. To me, this is the first step to what will hopefully be a lucrative and career in writing horror fiction.
So, all in all, things seem to shaping up nicely. I still have one more story that's being considered and I have a few more in the works. My main goal is to finish work on my Book story which is a project I have going with a few other writers. I won't say too much about it now, but perhaps in the coming months I can share more about it. It's moving along at a quicker pace now, and I should be able to finish it by the weekend (tonight would be preferable, but I'll take what I can get.)
Also, recently I turned 29. The agreement I made with myself was that I would be published by the time I'm 30, and I reached that goal. It feels good when we reach the goals we had set for ourselves.
I've also been trying to do research for a story that I want to send away to a theme anthology that hasn't been going so well. If anyone can get me some info on the Appalachians, specifaclly in Nova Scotia, I would be eternally grateful. Enough to buy you a beer.
Okay, I've got writing to do so that's it for now.
Cheers,
Joe
So, all in all, things seem to shaping up nicely. I still have one more story that's being considered and I have a few more in the works. My main goal is to finish work on my Book story which is a project I have going with a few other writers. I won't say too much about it now, but perhaps in the coming months I can share more about it. It's moving along at a quicker pace now, and I should be able to finish it by the weekend (tonight would be preferable, but I'll take what I can get.)
Also, recently I turned 29. The agreement I made with myself was that I would be published by the time I'm 30, and I reached that goal. It feels good when we reach the goals we had set for ourselves.
I've also been trying to do research for a story that I want to send away to a theme anthology that hasn't been going so well. If anyone can get me some info on the Appalachians, specifaclly in Nova Scotia, I would be eternally grateful. Enough to buy you a beer.
Okay, I've got writing to do so that's it for now.
Cheers,
Joe
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Greedy Bastards
I have come to a conclusion over the past few years, one which has offended many people, but I still hold to the fact that I believe it's true. The theory is this: Everything any one of us does, relates back to our own greed or selfishness in some way, shape, or form.
Like I said, it's not very popular among people I've talked to over the past couple of years about it.
But, here's a prime example: On Saturday I was leaving a thrift store after buying some books that I found. Leaving at the same time, was an older lady who was having trouble getting to her car because of all the ice on the sidewalk. So, she asked me for help and I agreed. She took me by the arm and I led her to the driver side door of her car, and I even to her bag of purchases and put them in her trunk. I even overheard her make the comment, "There are still some nice people in the world." And I walked home from that store feeling pretty good about myself.
Now, I'd like to believe I did this because I'm a nice person and I just wanted to help out this nice lady. However, there is the lingering thought that I did simply to make myself feel good. Or, I did it so that I can tell people about it and look like a nice guy. Or, even I did it because I thought she might offer me a ride home, or some other type of reward for my gesture. I don't know for sure what my my true motives were, but if I did it simply to be nice, why am I advertising on my blog.
So, do you see my point here? I hear all the time about these rich guys who donate a ton of money to charity, and everyone goes around saying what great people they are. In my opinion, if they were such great people, they wouldn't be advertising what they were doing. They would donate anonymously so that no one would know. But, the fact that these people do know, makes me wonder what the true motives really are.
The man who jumps into a lake to save a drowning person, does he really care if they live or die? Or does he want his picture in the paper under the headline "Hero"?
This is something that has been on my mind lately, and I just thought I'd give anyone who reads this some food for thought.
Until next time,
Joe
Like I said, it's not very popular among people I've talked to over the past couple of years about it.
But, here's a prime example: On Saturday I was leaving a thrift store after buying some books that I found. Leaving at the same time, was an older lady who was having trouble getting to her car because of all the ice on the sidewalk. So, she asked me for help and I agreed. She took me by the arm and I led her to the driver side door of her car, and I even to her bag of purchases and put them in her trunk. I even overheard her make the comment, "There are still some nice people in the world." And I walked home from that store feeling pretty good about myself.
Now, I'd like to believe I did this because I'm a nice person and I just wanted to help out this nice lady. However, there is the lingering thought that I did simply to make myself feel good. Or, I did it so that I can tell people about it and look like a nice guy. Or, even I did it because I thought she might offer me a ride home, or some other type of reward for my gesture. I don't know for sure what my my true motives were, but if I did it simply to be nice, why am I advertising on my blog.
So, do you see my point here? I hear all the time about these rich guys who donate a ton of money to charity, and everyone goes around saying what great people they are. In my opinion, if they were such great people, they wouldn't be advertising what they were doing. They would donate anonymously so that no one would know. But, the fact that these people do know, makes me wonder what the true motives really are.
The man who jumps into a lake to save a drowning person, does he really care if they live or die? Or does he want his picture in the paper under the headline "Hero"?
This is something that has been on my mind lately, and I just thought I'd give anyone who reads this some food for thought.
Until next time,
Joe
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Bit Of An Update
Okay, as of yesterday, I am now one year older. I turned 29 and every year on my birthday, it becomes a time of reflection on what I have not accomplished with my life. I don't so this intentionally, it's just how it goes.
I had made a deal with myself two years ago that I would be published by the time I'm 30. I first began writing when I was very young and just learning how to write. I started sending stuff to be published when I was 15. Of course, by the age of 17 I was a cocaine addict and remained one until the age of 27. So there's ten years of writing nothing but shit under the influence of drugs. Which I hope is what accounted for the fact that everything I wrote was complete drivel.
Now that I am clean, going on 2 years, my output has been a lot better. I have a few stories currently being considered with different magazines and I am currently working on at least a few others. Plus, I am still working on my novel Hatred, but because of these stories, production on the book has been delayed temporarily.
There are a few other things going on in my life right now. One of them I am not allowed to say yet. But I will hopefully be able to tell everyone within a week or so.
But, the one bit of news I can tell you, is that so far, it looks like I'm going to be at CONtext this year. Writers such as Christopher Golden and Gary Braunbeck will be there, and I am stoked. This will be a good year for sure.
Anyway, that's all for now. I'll be back in a day or two with a rant, because this is a good way to get my frustrations out.
Cheers,
Joe
I had made a deal with myself two years ago that I would be published by the time I'm 30. I first began writing when I was very young and just learning how to write. I started sending stuff to be published when I was 15. Of course, by the age of 17 I was a cocaine addict and remained one until the age of 27. So there's ten years of writing nothing but shit under the influence of drugs. Which I hope is what accounted for the fact that everything I wrote was complete drivel.
Now that I am clean, going on 2 years, my output has been a lot better. I have a few stories currently being considered with different magazines and I am currently working on at least a few others. Plus, I am still working on my novel Hatred, but because of these stories, production on the book has been delayed temporarily.
There are a few other things going on in my life right now. One of them I am not allowed to say yet. But I will hopefully be able to tell everyone within a week or so.
But, the one bit of news I can tell you, is that so far, it looks like I'm going to be at CONtext this year. Writers such as Christopher Golden and Gary Braunbeck will be there, and I am stoked. This will be a good year for sure.
Anyway, that's all for now. I'll be back in a day or two with a rant, because this is a good way to get my frustrations out.
Cheers,
Joe
Thursday, December 18, 2008
So, here I am in North Bay, Ontario. My home for 27 years of my life. Two of my children are downstairs right now playing while the other two are at school and will be here shortly. I can hear their voices as they interact with one another without trying to kill each other. I have had very little contact with my ex-wife so far. So, all should be right with the world.
But it's not.
I'm not here for a vacation. I'm here because of a crisis going on and I'm here to make sure my kids are okay, since it sort of involves them. I took a month off work to be here and I'm spending as much time with them as I can. I even went to church because they were there. That's how much I love my kids.
I won't go into detail about what the crisis is, since it is a bit of a personal matter, but it's not good. I heard about it on a Wednesday, booked my flight on a Thursday and was here on Friday. That's how serious i felt this was.
My wife couldn't come with me because of work obligations, so now she's alone for Christmas. I would normally miss her anyway, but the amount of support she is showing in regard to this situation makes me love her and miss her all that much more. I may not see her again until January, but I'm hoping it will be sooner than that.
It's great seeing the kids again and watching how much they've grown since I saw them last year. That's the one thing that sucks about living in Calgary. I don't get to see them nearly as much as I used to. But, unfortunately, there are no jobs in North Bay, so moving back here is not really an option at this point. I'm hoping one day the economic situation will improve enough that I will be able to.
But, anyway, I'm happy to home with my children. My being here is mostly because when I moved away I made a promise to them that if they ever needed me, I would be here for them no matter what. I am keeping that promise.
Until next time,
Cheers.
Joe
But it's not.
I'm not here for a vacation. I'm here because of a crisis going on and I'm here to make sure my kids are okay, since it sort of involves them. I took a month off work to be here and I'm spending as much time with them as I can. I even went to church because they were there. That's how much I love my kids.
I won't go into detail about what the crisis is, since it is a bit of a personal matter, but it's not good. I heard about it on a Wednesday, booked my flight on a Thursday and was here on Friday. That's how serious i felt this was.
My wife couldn't come with me because of work obligations, so now she's alone for Christmas. I would normally miss her anyway, but the amount of support she is showing in regard to this situation makes me love her and miss her all that much more. I may not see her again until January, but I'm hoping it will be sooner than that.
It's great seeing the kids again and watching how much they've grown since I saw them last year. That's the one thing that sucks about living in Calgary. I don't get to see them nearly as much as I used to. But, unfortunately, there are no jobs in North Bay, so moving back here is not really an option at this point. I'm hoping one day the economic situation will improve enough that I will be able to.
But, anyway, I'm happy to home with my children. My being here is mostly because when I moved away I made a promise to them that if they ever needed me, I would be here for them no matter what. I am keeping that promise.
Until next time,
Cheers.
Joe
Monday, October 20, 2008
Wives, Kids and the Future
I can honestly say that the girl with whom I am currently living is the only woman I have ever truly loved (yes, that includes my ex-wife). Recently, she brought up the subject of marriage. Not bluntly, however. Her exact words were: "Do you think we'll be together forever?" Now, I'm a smart-ass, so my first thought was: "Well, probably not. One of us has to die eventually." Then my brain kicked in and I decided that might not be the best response. So I said the next best thing that came to mind: "I don't know."
I really had no idea how to answer this question. Do I love this woman? Absolutely. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Definitely. Do I want to marry her? Hell no.
I don't even really know why I don't want to except for the fact that I once promised a woman we'd be together forever. Hell, I even promised it in front of a shitload of my friends and family. Look where that ended up. Less than ten years after we made that promise to each other, she's already promised the same thing to someone else.
My point is, I don't know what the future holds. I can't say if we'll be together forever, or in a year from now, or even tomorrow. I don't know what will happen. Maybe one of my smart-ass responses will drive her off the deep end and she'll murder me later on tonight. Who knows?
The other thing that bothers me is the discussion of children came up at the same time. This is another area where we run into problems. I want kids and she doesn't. I might seem weird that I want kids, seeing as I already have four of them. So, she asked me why I was so adamant about having kids. Good enough question, as this was one of the reasons I cited for not wanting to get married. My response, as usual, was: "I don't know."
Then I got to thinking about it. Why do I want kids so much?
Okay, a bit of a history lesson about Joe: Joe got married at a very young age and had several beautiful children. Joe should have considered himself the luckiest guy in the world. Beautiful wife, beautiful kids, decent job, everything a guy could want. So what does Joe do? Joe does drugs. Joe ignores his wife and treats her like crap. He doesn't hit her, but he doesn't actually make her think he loves her (he acutally didn't but he convinced himself he did). So, anyway, Joe's wife leaves him and takes the kids with her. Joe hits rock bottom tries to kill himself, the whole bit. So when Joe finally realizes what a dipshit he is, he gets cleaned up and decides to start his life over. This includes moving to Calgary, Alberta. So now Joe is very far away from his kids.
I'm telling you all this because I think I figured out why I want kids so much. I remember back when I was still with my wife. The best part of my day was when I would come home from work and as soon as I opened the door, I could hear the pounding of feet running for the door and my kids yelling "Daddy!" Then they would hug me and not let go, even when I tried to shake them off me. Right now, as I live in a different province than my kids, I miss that more than anything. I long to hear my children run to me as I walk through the door because they missed me.
I think that is why I want kids so much.
I'd like to hear thoughts on this if anyone feels like commenting.
Writing updates: Still plugging away at Hatred and have a few more short stories in the works. Still haven't heard back about "The Demon Inside Her." I'm really anxious about that one. Oh well. I'm still hoping for the best.
That's all for now.
Cheers,
Joe
I really had no idea how to answer this question. Do I love this woman? Absolutely. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Definitely. Do I want to marry her? Hell no.
I don't even really know why I don't want to except for the fact that I once promised a woman we'd be together forever. Hell, I even promised it in front of a shitload of my friends and family. Look where that ended up. Less than ten years after we made that promise to each other, she's already promised the same thing to someone else.
My point is, I don't know what the future holds. I can't say if we'll be together forever, or in a year from now, or even tomorrow. I don't know what will happen. Maybe one of my smart-ass responses will drive her off the deep end and she'll murder me later on tonight. Who knows?
The other thing that bothers me is the discussion of children came up at the same time. This is another area where we run into problems. I want kids and she doesn't. I might seem weird that I want kids, seeing as I already have four of them. So, she asked me why I was so adamant about having kids. Good enough question, as this was one of the reasons I cited for not wanting to get married. My response, as usual, was: "I don't know."
Then I got to thinking about it. Why do I want kids so much?
Okay, a bit of a history lesson about Joe: Joe got married at a very young age and had several beautiful children. Joe should have considered himself the luckiest guy in the world. Beautiful wife, beautiful kids, decent job, everything a guy could want. So what does Joe do? Joe does drugs. Joe ignores his wife and treats her like crap. He doesn't hit her, but he doesn't actually make her think he loves her (he acutally didn't but he convinced himself he did). So, anyway, Joe's wife leaves him and takes the kids with her. Joe hits rock bottom tries to kill himself, the whole bit. So when Joe finally realizes what a dipshit he is, he gets cleaned up and decides to start his life over. This includes moving to Calgary, Alberta. So now Joe is very far away from his kids.
I'm telling you all this because I think I figured out why I want kids so much. I remember back when I was still with my wife. The best part of my day was when I would come home from work and as soon as I opened the door, I could hear the pounding of feet running for the door and my kids yelling "Daddy!" Then they would hug me and not let go, even when I tried to shake them off me. Right now, as I live in a different province than my kids, I miss that more than anything. I long to hear my children run to me as I walk through the door because they missed me.
I think that is why I want kids so much.
I'd like to hear thoughts on this if anyone feels like commenting.
Writing updates: Still plugging away at Hatred and have a few more short stories in the works. Still haven't heard back about "The Demon Inside Her." I'm really anxious about that one. Oh well. I'm still hoping for the best.
That's all for now.
Cheers,
Joe
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Living With Lucifer
So, we now have a new addition to our household. We bought a kitten. The little guy looks just like Puss in Boots from Shrek. It took us awhile to come up with his name. Dawnn and I thought about it and discussed options. I wanted Damien. She didn't. She thought of Spaz, which suited him and we put it on the maybe list. I came with with Furby (short for furball). She liked it but ultimately decided it didn't suit him since he's a short-haird cat. It was her sister who came up with the name. While Dawnn was talking to her on the phone, she called out to me that her sister suggested Lucifer. I burst out laughing. Dawnn said she liked it. So, Lucifer is the name of our new pet. So far that name has offended two christians. Hopefully more will be offended in the near future.
The other thing that I would like to discuss--ok, I mean rant--is my ex-wife. I'm sure if anybody is reading this, they don't really care about my ongoing feud with the ex, but I really need to vent.
At the end of the last school year, on the very last day, my 5 year old son, who has since turned six, fell of a jungle gym and broke his arm. Now it would have been nice if my ex-wife decided to pick up the phone and inform me of this, but of course she didn't. I heard it two weeks after the fact from my mother. Now, I realize that I do not live in the same city as my children, and I really hate that fact. I would live near them if I could, but right now it isn't possible. For personal reasons I had to move away. SO, now my kids live with their mother and step-father and as far as they're concerned, I am no longer the father of my children. My kids have even started calling their step-father "Dad." This irks me to no end.
So anyway, the same son who broke his arm (I have to specify this since I have enough children that some people thought I was shooting for a baseball team) is going to Barrie, ON for dental surgery. Apparently he has nine cavities and needs a tooth capped. Now, did I hear this from the considerate ex-wife who informs me of all the things happening to my children? Of course not. I heard it from my mother since my ex has her head so far up her ass that she can't be bothered to inform me of anything going on with my kids. Apparently, they're not my kids anymore even though I was there when they were born (even cut the cord of the first three), I rocked them to sleep at night, I drove them to the hospital when accidents would happen, I stayed with their selfish bitch of a mother just so I could see them everyday. I remember staying up all night in emergency when the two older ones had pneumonia. I put up with heartache of one of my kids refusing to talk to me everytime I call because he's still mad at me for leaving. But will my ex treat me like I'm their father? Of course not.
Hell, when we split up four years ago, turns out she had just gotten pregnant with our fourth child. She didn't even bother to tell me for seven months! I even overlooked that and tried to reconcile our marriage because I wanted to be with my kids. But apparently, none of that is good enough.
I call them when I get the chance, but will she actually pick up the phone and call me so I can talk to my kids? Of course not.
So, I am at a loss as to what I should do about this. I know I wasn't the greatest husband or father, but I did my best. But still, my kids are calling someone else "Dad" and that hurts me more than I can ever put into words. I feel like I've lost my kids.
I started thinking about this yesterday when Dawnn suggested that my compulsive book buying has something to do with the fact that I am trying to compensate for something that is missing in my life. She pointed out that when some people get depressed they eat, or starve themselves, or drink. Apparently I buy limited edition signed hardcovers. Speaking of which, a few more should be arriving in the mail either today or tomorrow. I am so stoked.
But anyway, I'm getting off track. If anyone has any advice on this subject, please let me know. I really don't know how to deal with this situation and it's driving me nuts.
Writing updates: Hatred really wasn't going well at all, so I scrapped what I had and started over last night. I think I started too early in the story, so I picked a later point and started there. We'll see how that works out. Still waiting to hear back on my submission "The Demon Inside Her." I'm quite proud of that one, being my first flash-fiction piece. I think I did quite well. I'm getting really impatient. It's been over a month, so I hope to hear back soon.
That's all for today.
Until next time,
Joe (aka psychomule)
The other thing that I would like to discuss--ok, I mean rant--is my ex-wife. I'm sure if anybody is reading this, they don't really care about my ongoing feud with the ex, but I really need to vent.
At the end of the last school year, on the very last day, my 5 year old son, who has since turned six, fell of a jungle gym and broke his arm. Now it would have been nice if my ex-wife decided to pick up the phone and inform me of this, but of course she didn't. I heard it two weeks after the fact from my mother. Now, I realize that I do not live in the same city as my children, and I really hate that fact. I would live near them if I could, but right now it isn't possible. For personal reasons I had to move away. SO, now my kids live with their mother and step-father and as far as they're concerned, I am no longer the father of my children. My kids have even started calling their step-father "Dad." This irks me to no end.
So anyway, the same son who broke his arm (I have to specify this since I have enough children that some people thought I was shooting for a baseball team) is going to Barrie, ON for dental surgery. Apparently he has nine cavities and needs a tooth capped. Now, did I hear this from the considerate ex-wife who informs me of all the things happening to my children? Of course not. I heard it from my mother since my ex has her head so far up her ass that she can't be bothered to inform me of anything going on with my kids. Apparently, they're not my kids anymore even though I was there when they were born (even cut the cord of the first three), I rocked them to sleep at night, I drove them to the hospital when accidents would happen, I stayed with their selfish bitch of a mother just so I could see them everyday. I remember staying up all night in emergency when the two older ones had pneumonia. I put up with heartache of one of my kids refusing to talk to me everytime I call because he's still mad at me for leaving. But will my ex treat me like I'm their father? Of course not.
Hell, when we split up four years ago, turns out she had just gotten pregnant with our fourth child. She didn't even bother to tell me for seven months! I even overlooked that and tried to reconcile our marriage because I wanted to be with my kids. But apparently, none of that is good enough.
I call them when I get the chance, but will she actually pick up the phone and call me so I can talk to my kids? Of course not.
So, I am at a loss as to what I should do about this. I know I wasn't the greatest husband or father, but I did my best. But still, my kids are calling someone else "Dad" and that hurts me more than I can ever put into words. I feel like I've lost my kids.
I started thinking about this yesterday when Dawnn suggested that my compulsive book buying has something to do with the fact that I am trying to compensate for something that is missing in my life. She pointed out that when some people get depressed they eat, or starve themselves, or drink. Apparently I buy limited edition signed hardcovers. Speaking of which, a few more should be arriving in the mail either today or tomorrow. I am so stoked.
But anyway, I'm getting off track. If anyone has any advice on this subject, please let me know. I really don't know how to deal with this situation and it's driving me nuts.
Writing updates: Hatred really wasn't going well at all, so I scrapped what I had and started over last night. I think I started too early in the story, so I picked a later point and started there. We'll see how that works out. Still waiting to hear back on my submission "The Demon Inside Her." I'm quite proud of that one, being my first flash-fiction piece. I think I did quite well. I'm getting really impatient. It's been over a month, so I hope to hear back soon.
That's all for today.
Until next time,
Joe (aka psychomule)
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