Okay, since it is now after midnight, it is technically January 31st and one day after my birthday, but I'm still going to post this. This is my "reflections on turning 30" blog.
But first, something I want to get off my chest:
I have issues with people who post comments on here anonymously. Only because some people make statements about me as if they knew me, but since they don't identify themselves, I have no idea.
For example, a few blog posts ago, I did a blog on "Why I'm an Atheist." A topic I was hoping would generate more discussion than it actually did. ANd when it did generate discussion, much of it wasn't intelligent. One person in particular decided to tell me that I DO in fact believe in God and they will pray for me.
Now, I'm curious as to how this person knows what I do or do not believe, and I wonder if this is someone I actually know or if this is just one of those Christians who believe that everyone believes in God deep down. However, since this person did not identify themselves, I'll never know.
So, I'm asking those who post anonymously, please at least let me know who you are. Especially if I know you. Thank you.
Now, on to our regularyl scheduled blog:
So, I'm 30 now. I don't feel any older than I did yesterday. I don't feel any different at all, really.
Every year on my birthday, I inevitably recap my entire life. Mostly because I feel like I should have accomplished something by now and, in the past, I always felt like I haven't.
Anyone who knows me is by now shouting: "You have four beautiful kids! That's a huge accomplishment!"
I get that a lot, and here's my response to that: My kids are beautiful. They are the best kids any father could ask for. I would do anything for them. I love them more than anything else in the world. However, I don't consider my children an accomplishment on my part for one very simple reason: Any idiot with a libido and a high sperm count can have kids.
Now, having said that, there are certain aspects of my children's personalities I would like to think I had a hand in nurturing.
1. My oldest daughter's love for reading. She's about as voracious a reader as I am, and she will (and has) read anything I give to her. One of my proudest moments was when she read (and loved) Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. She read the Illustrated Classics edition which is geared to younger readers, and she read the thing in two days!
2. My children all have a natural curiousity and I like to think I helped by not discouraging them to ask questions. I always patiently answer them as best as I can, and often have to search for the answer on the internet when I don't know. I love the fact that all four of my kids seem to have a love of learning everything they can.
Okay, I can't think of anything else at the moment, but it's late and I'm tired.
So, I consider these things accomplishments.
Also, I posted earlier that I had a goal of getting published by the time I'm 30. I accomplished this at the age of 29 (talk about cutting it close!) by having my comedy/zombie story "As in Life, So in Death" published in SNM Horror Mag in March and my psychological flash fic piece "Fear Itself (Side note: My friend Kurt came up with both those titles, since I suck at them, he stepped up to the plate and came up with two awesome ones for those stories). published in Flashes in the Dark in July. Also, my story "Wounds" (I actually came up with that title) was accepted for publication earlier this year, but won't be out until several months from now. More on that as I get the info.
So those are a few other accomplishments.
There are others that happened this past year, however they're more of a personal nature, and I will keep them to myself. I just wanted to write this because sometimes we look at our lives and see ourselves as having no impact on society and we feel like we haven't accomplished anything just because we're not Mother Theresa, or we haven't won the Nobel Peace Prize.To anyone who believes that, I would like to quote the great Mr. Dickens, who said: "No one is useless in the world who lightens the burdens of another." I like this quote so much, my wife made me a bracelet and inscribed those words on it. I believe this to be true. If you have ever helped another person, no matter how small the deed was, you matter and have accomplished something.
With that, I leave you.
Until next time,
Joe
I think of this anytime
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Year Reflections
I wanted to post this on Dec. 31st, but life got in the way and I've been busy.
As I think most people do, since we are now in 2010, I've been thinking a lot about 2009. A lot happened last year. For those who don't follow me on Twitter and missed it, here's a brief rundown of big events that happened during 2009:
-I moved from Calgary to my hometown of North Bay, ON.
-I started spending a heck of a lot more time with my kids (I get them every second week now, which is wonderful).
-I got married to the most wonderful woman I have ever known.
-Two of my stories were published (this year marks my first time ever being published).
-We got a dog (this is my first time as a dog owner, and it's been a learning esperience for me.). The children named him Bolt.
So, it's been a pretty big year in our household.
So what does 2010 bring? Who knows? I'm hoping it will bring much more time with my kids, more stories published, the completion of a novel, and more time spent with my wife. I don't ask for much, really.
Anyway, I basically just felt like reminiscing about the past year. Hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and spent it with loved ones.
Later,
Joe
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thoughts On Christmas
Christmas is almost upon us and, like every year, I feel myself getting more and more depressed as we get closer to the holiday.
I have fond memories of Christmas as a child. Unfortunately, most of those memories consist of presents I got or ways us altar boys used to goof off during the Christmas Eve mass without getting in trouble. The family dinners, the traditions and rituals that were performed have faded and I can barely remember them now. Some of them, I have forgotten completely.
These days, I don't really get presents anymore (mostly because I specify that I don't want any) and I haven't been an altar boy for a really long time, so I feel as though there is nothing special about the holiday for me anymore.
Don't get me wrong. There are good things about Christmas. This year, in particular, since it'll be the first time that I will have the children on Christmas Day in four years. This means, that I'll actually be able to see them open their presents from Santa early that morning and since I have them for the week prior, I get to watch the anticipation build as we get closer tothe big day.
But, if it weren't for the kids, I wouldn't even bother celebrating. I just don't see the point.
As an atheist, the religious aspect means absolutely nothing to me. I hate gift shopping, mostly because I'm horrible at figuring out what people want, and I usually get the polite but unenthusiastic "Oh, thanks. It's really...nice." Or even worse, "It's the thought that counts." Some people tell me Christmas is about spending time with loved ones, and I'll agree that this is important, but why do we need a day to spend with our loved ones? If we love them, do we need an excuse to spend time with them?
I could also go on and on about the whole commercialization of the holiday, and how it's lost it's true meaning, but I think that argument has been done to death, and we all know this is happening. You don't need me to tell you.
So why do I get depressed on Christmas?
Honestly, I don't know.
It could be that subconsciously I'm jealous at how others enjoy the holiday regardless of their religious beliefs and for some reason I seem unable to.
Maybe it's because I'm old and grumpy and look to find fault with everything and am just simpy unable to enjoy anything.
Maybe it's because my first marriage ended at Christmas time in 2005.
Maybe it's all these things rolled into one.
The fact remains, I don't like Christmas. Yet, there's a Christmas tree in my living room right now, and I did, in fact, help assemble it and decorate it. When people wish me a merry Christmas, I don't bitch them out and tell them I hate it (even though it's no secret). I simply wish them the same and be on my way. I will participate in family gatherings, and I'm sure a good time will be had by all, myself included--not because it's Christmas, but because family gatherings can be fun.
So, what's the point of all this? Nothing. I'm just rambling, because it's almost Christmas and all around me people are talking about it and getting excited and I just thought I'd throw in my two cents on the subject.
Cheers,
Joe
I have fond memories of Christmas as a child. Unfortunately, most of those memories consist of presents I got or ways us altar boys used to goof off during the Christmas Eve mass without getting in trouble. The family dinners, the traditions and rituals that were performed have faded and I can barely remember them now. Some of them, I have forgotten completely.
These days, I don't really get presents anymore (mostly because I specify that I don't want any) and I haven't been an altar boy for a really long time, so I feel as though there is nothing special about the holiday for me anymore.
Don't get me wrong. There are good things about Christmas. This year, in particular, since it'll be the first time that I will have the children on Christmas Day in four years. This means, that I'll actually be able to see them open their presents from Santa early that morning and since I have them for the week prior, I get to watch the anticipation build as we get closer tothe big day.
But, if it weren't for the kids, I wouldn't even bother celebrating. I just don't see the point.
As an atheist, the religious aspect means absolutely nothing to me. I hate gift shopping, mostly because I'm horrible at figuring out what people want, and I usually get the polite but unenthusiastic "Oh, thanks. It's really...nice." Or even worse, "It's the thought that counts." Some people tell me Christmas is about spending time with loved ones, and I'll agree that this is important, but why do we need a day to spend with our loved ones? If we love them, do we need an excuse to spend time with them?
I could also go on and on about the whole commercialization of the holiday, and how it's lost it's true meaning, but I think that argument has been done to death, and we all know this is happening. You don't need me to tell you.
So why do I get depressed on Christmas?
Honestly, I don't know.
It could be that subconsciously I'm jealous at how others enjoy the holiday regardless of their religious beliefs and for some reason I seem unable to.
Maybe it's because I'm old and grumpy and look to find fault with everything and am just simpy unable to enjoy anything.
Maybe it's because my first marriage ended at Christmas time in 2005.
Maybe it's all these things rolled into one.
The fact remains, I don't like Christmas. Yet, there's a Christmas tree in my living room right now, and I did, in fact, help assemble it and decorate it. When people wish me a merry Christmas, I don't bitch them out and tell them I hate it (even though it's no secret). I simply wish them the same and be on my way. I will participate in family gatherings, and I'm sure a good time will be had by all, myself included--not because it's Christmas, but because family gatherings can be fun.
So, what's the point of all this? Nothing. I'm just rambling, because it's almost Christmas and all around me people are talking about it and getting excited and I just thought I'd throw in my two cents on the subject.
Cheers,
Joe
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Why I Don't Believe in God
Once again, it has been quite some time since I've posted on here. Life has been busy with a few crises happening and a few writing projects I've been working on. Not to mention I had a mishap with my laptop, and it was a struggle getting back the stories I had on there (me being the idiot I am didn't bother to back up any of my work). Thankfully, pretty much everything has been salvaged with the exception of one short I had started but didn't get very far into, two chapters of a horror novel and two chapters of a YA fantasy. The YA work I'm not concerned about since I have three chapters that survived in long-hand and I believe I can come fairly close to re-creating the two lost chapters, so I think I'm sitting pretty good.
Anyway, on to the task at hand. As per the title of this blog, I am an atheist, and I have been for a few years now. Realistically, I would say I've been one for the past five years.
There have been times during that five years when I've described myself as a christian, but this was more wishful thinking than anything. At that time, and even still today, I would like nothing more than for there to be a god who loves us and looks out for us, but I just can't resign myself to that belief for a few reasons:
1. The world makes more sense without God.
I say this because the world around me doesn't seem to make sense if God does exist. Good people suffer while bad people prosper. Children suffer and die every day. Some people who are Christians seem to be doing well for themselves, others aren't. Why is this? If God is blessing some christians, why not others? Why does it seem as though God blesses people who aren't christian? Or thos who claim to be but obviously aren't based on their actions? These are questions I have asked myself and others throughout my time in the christian church and never recieved an answer beyond "God works in mysterious ways." That cop-out answer just isn't good enough for me.
2. Christians bug me.
Now, the reason I say this is because I spent a long time as a member of a christian church, which I attended with my wife and family. I had made many friends in this church. Some of them I considered to be like family. I even spent time in their homes, and they in mine. We often went for coffee to discuss the bible, God, or just life in general. I thought I had good friends.
But then, something happened. My wife left me (please note: she left me. I did my best to reconcile the marriage, which is what the bible says to do, she is the one who ended it, and she is the one who refused to even attempt a reconciliation). Not only did she leave me, but she also decided to rake my name through the mud and start spreading untrue rumors of horrible things I did to her. She made me out to be a monster.
So, these christian friends of mine, what did they do? They chose to believe her, and I suddenly I was left alone and without friends.
Okay, to be fair, there were two who chose to still talk to me, but I always felt they were doing it because they felt obligated and not because they didn't believe the lies that were being spread about me.
So what does this tell me? The people in that church were more willing to believe someone who was lying to them (go figure!) than to realize that based on what they knew of me, I wouldn't be capable of such horrific things, and that, even if they were true, the whole philosophy of love the sinner, hate the sin, went right out the window. I was alone and in need of a friend, but all those christians whom I had thought were my friends for a few years, had deserted me.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. I've heard it before. People have told me, "You can't base that one incident to judge an entire group of people."
I agree with that %100. However, this isn't an isolated incident. I know more than a few people who've had similar experiences with the christian church, and I've had other experiences with different churches that have done the same thing.
The one conclusion that I've come to through all this is if God is real, why don't his followers practice his teachings? Since they don't, he seems to be doing absolutely nothing about the fact that his followers seem to be continuously giving him a bad name, I can draw no other conclusion that he doesn't exist.
3. There is evidence for atheism
Recently, I've discovered videos on YouTube psoted by a gentleman known only to me by his username, profMTH. If you haven't watched his videos, I highly recommend you do. They are very intelligent, well thought out, and well presented. This man spent many years in the Catholic church until he came to atheism three years ago. Since then, he's been posting videos on YouTube in support of atheism, and I can find no argument to refute the evidence in support of his claims. He uses biblical references to support his arguments, and is able to refute just about any claim that God exists or that the bible has any validity whatsoever. Once again, if you haven't watched these videos, I recommend that you do. He is funny as well as informative and I look forward to each new video he puts out.
4. Biblical contradictions.
Yes, at one point in my life I believed that the bible was the word of God, and that there weren't any contradictions. However, I now realize how wrong I was. If you don't believe me, I point you once again to profMTH and his ten video series entitled "Brief Bible Blunders." They are not only funny, but they bring up contradictions in the bible that seem to me to be unreconcilable. The contradictions are there, despite many pathetic attempts by christians to explain them away.
5. God isn't so great.
Even if the bible were true, this does not look good on God for many reasons:
-The bible condones slavery: Leviticus 25:44-46 (New International Version)
"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. You can will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly."
-The bible promotes sexism: Genesis 3:16 (New International Version)
"Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
-The bible promotes homophobia: Romans 1:26-27 (New International Version)
"Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. "
-God describes himself as being jealous: Exodus 20:5-6 (New International Version)
"You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. "
This wouldn't bother me so much, except later on in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (New International Version) we read:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
I'm sorry, but to me this means: "God does not love you." If God is jealous but to love someone means to not mbe envious (which is the same as jealousy), what other conclusion can one come to?
All I want to show with this is, even if the bible is true, who would want to worship a god like this? Not to mention the book of Job, in which God allows one of his servants to suffer some of the most horrific things that can befall a human being (loss of livelihood, children, health) just to prove a point to the devil. God of love? I don't think so.
And that, my friends, is why I choose not to believe in God. If anyone would like to comment, I am open to discussions on this topic.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Anyway, on to the task at hand. As per the title of this blog, I am an atheist, and I have been for a few years now. Realistically, I would say I've been one for the past five years.
There have been times during that five years when I've described myself as a christian, but this was more wishful thinking than anything. At that time, and even still today, I would like nothing more than for there to be a god who loves us and looks out for us, but I just can't resign myself to that belief for a few reasons:
1. The world makes more sense without God.
I say this because the world around me doesn't seem to make sense if God does exist. Good people suffer while bad people prosper. Children suffer and die every day. Some people who are Christians seem to be doing well for themselves, others aren't. Why is this? If God is blessing some christians, why not others? Why does it seem as though God blesses people who aren't christian? Or thos who claim to be but obviously aren't based on their actions? These are questions I have asked myself and others throughout my time in the christian church and never recieved an answer beyond "God works in mysterious ways." That cop-out answer just isn't good enough for me.
2. Christians bug me.
Now, the reason I say this is because I spent a long time as a member of a christian church, which I attended with my wife and family. I had made many friends in this church. Some of them I considered to be like family. I even spent time in their homes, and they in mine. We often went for coffee to discuss the bible, God, or just life in general. I thought I had good friends.
But then, something happened. My wife left me (please note: she left me. I did my best to reconcile the marriage, which is what the bible says to do, she is the one who ended it, and she is the one who refused to even attempt a reconciliation). Not only did she leave me, but she also decided to rake my name through the mud and start spreading untrue rumors of horrible things I did to her. She made me out to be a monster.
So, these christian friends of mine, what did they do? They chose to believe her, and I suddenly I was left alone and without friends.
Okay, to be fair, there were two who chose to still talk to me, but I always felt they were doing it because they felt obligated and not because they didn't believe the lies that were being spread about me.
So what does this tell me? The people in that church were more willing to believe someone who was lying to them (go figure!) than to realize that based on what they knew of me, I wouldn't be capable of such horrific things, and that, even if they were true, the whole philosophy of love the sinner, hate the sin, went right out the window. I was alone and in need of a friend, but all those christians whom I had thought were my friends for a few years, had deserted me.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. I've heard it before. People have told me, "You can't base that one incident to judge an entire group of people."
I agree with that %100. However, this isn't an isolated incident. I know more than a few people who've had similar experiences with the christian church, and I've had other experiences with different churches that have done the same thing.
The one conclusion that I've come to through all this is if God is real, why don't his followers practice his teachings? Since they don't, he seems to be doing absolutely nothing about the fact that his followers seem to be continuously giving him a bad name, I can draw no other conclusion that he doesn't exist.
3. There is evidence for atheism
Recently, I've discovered videos on YouTube psoted by a gentleman known only to me by his username, profMTH. If you haven't watched his videos, I highly recommend you do. They are very intelligent, well thought out, and well presented. This man spent many years in the Catholic church until he came to atheism three years ago. Since then, he's been posting videos on YouTube in support of atheism, and I can find no argument to refute the evidence in support of his claims. He uses biblical references to support his arguments, and is able to refute just about any claim that God exists or that the bible has any validity whatsoever. Once again, if you haven't watched these videos, I recommend that you do. He is funny as well as informative and I look forward to each new video he puts out.
4. Biblical contradictions.
Yes, at one point in my life I believed that the bible was the word of God, and that there weren't any contradictions. However, I now realize how wrong I was. If you don't believe me, I point you once again to profMTH and his ten video series entitled "Brief Bible Blunders." They are not only funny, but they bring up contradictions in the bible that seem to me to be unreconcilable. The contradictions are there, despite many pathetic attempts by christians to explain them away.
5. God isn't so great.
Even if the bible were true, this does not look good on God for many reasons:
-The bible condones slavery: Leviticus 25:44-46 (New International Version)
"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. You can will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly."
-The bible promotes sexism: Genesis 3:16 (New International Version)
"Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
-The bible promotes homophobia: Romans 1:26-27 (New International Version)
"Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. "
-God describes himself as being jealous: Exodus 20:5-6 (New International Version)
"You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. "
This wouldn't bother me so much, except later on in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (New International Version) we read:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
I'm sorry, but to me this means: "God does not love you." If God is jealous but to love someone means to not mbe envious (which is the same as jealousy), what other conclusion can one come to?
All I want to show with this is, even if the bible is true, who would want to worship a god like this? Not to mention the book of Job, in which God allows one of his servants to suffer some of the most horrific things that can befall a human being (loss of livelihood, children, health) just to prove a point to the devil. God of love? I don't think so.
And that, my friends, is why I choose not to believe in God. If anyone would like to comment, I am open to discussions on this topic.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Monday, October 5, 2009
Happiness
It's occurred to me recently, especially in those moments when I have way too much time to think (which has been happening way too often recently), that being happy isn't exactly conducive to writing horror.
I always found I tend to write better when I'm upset or just downright pissed off. The ideas for horror stories would flow faster than I could write them. I still have a few of those ideas rattling around in my brain, just waiting for me to finish what I'm currently working on so I can devote my full attention to them.
Here are a few of the things on my plate at the moment:
1. I'm currently working on a WAR themed story for a group I belong to. No plans on markets to submit this piece to, we all just decided to all write stories on a specific theme in order to help the creative juices flow. This story has been on a standstill for the last week, but I had an "AHA!" moment a few days ago, and I think I've finally figured out which direction this story wants to go, so I should have a first draft completed very soon.
2. I have just about finished editing another story. I'm very pleased with how this one turned out and I'm hoping to find a home for it soon.
3. Once those two stories are out of the way, I have another piece to write. This one won't be a horror story, but just a weird tale that I can't seem to get out of my head. I didn't want to start writing it until worked out some sort of ending for it, which I think I have now, so once I'm finished with the two tales mentioned above, I'll write this one next.
4. I spoke to a friend of mine, who is also a writer, about collaborating on a novella. He seemed pretty excited about the idea, so I told him I would shoot off some concepts I have to him (there are 3 novella ideas rattling around in my brain at the moment) and see if he digs any of them, and once we're both finished with the projects we have going, we might do this thing.
5. Even though the YA fantasy has been on hold for quite some time, I have every intention of getting back into it ASAP. I still love the idea for this book, and I want to get it done a s quickly as I can, while still making it as good as I can get it. With other stories I've been writing, I haven't been able to devote as much time to it as I'd like, but I'm hoping that will change in the near future.
6. The horror novel is on hold for the time being. I need to flesh it out a bit more before I can continue on with it.
7. I've been thinking about doing NaNoWriMo this year. For those of you who don't know, NaNoWriMO is an event in which during the month of November, you basically write an entire novel. 50,000 words is the goal. I thought it would be a good challenge, and I came up with two novel ideas I'm kicking around. The only thing holding me back is that Both ideas are SF. One is hard SF, and the other is more of a screwball comedy taking place in SF setting. I'm not very well-versed in the genre, which is why I'm skeptical about trying either of these ideas for NaNOWriMo. But, we'll see. I may decide to do it yet.
So, those are the things that are on my plate these days.
But back to what I orginally set out to talk about here. Happiness.
I get way too much time to think these days, and I'm going through a lot of bullshit in my life right now, yet I realized today, that I am quite content with my life at this point. I'm confused by this, because I figure with everything going on, I should be hanging out of a window fifty stories up, wondering if life is really worth it.
But I'm not.
Despite everything going on, I've been spending an enormous amount of time with my kids. Right now, I get them every other week, and the time spent with them has been amazing. The kids and I have had a great time playing baseball, going to the park, taking the dog for walks, or just staying at home and watching a movie, or even building a fort for them in the living room. It's been wonderful, and I marvel every day at how I played a part in the creation of these beautiful human beings.
On top of that, I got married on August 22nd. It was a small, outdoor wedding, and rain threatened to interrupt it the entire time, but the day went off without a hitch. Not a drop of rain showed up, the temperature was just perfect. My brother and his wife even made it up, despite living in a different country, and my brother served as best man, while my wife's sister was the maid of honor.
We didn't have a lot of people there (between 40 or 50) but it was great. I preferred having only those closest to us present. One person couldn't attend, and I was disappointed, but it still worked out great.
So, I am now on my second marriage and it is world's apart from the first one.
In my first marriage, I was demeaned, controlled, and I felt worthless. It got to the point where I used to call work and ask if I could go in, just to get away from that atmosphere. I was made to feel like I didn't matter.
My new wife, is caring, supportive, and with her I feel like can accomplish anything. She never puts me down. Instead, she encourages me to strive for my dreams, and she'll do anything she can to help make them a reality. For the time in many years, I don't dread coming home. I look forward to it. I love waking up in the morning and having someone beside me. Even the days when we're both in the house doing our own thing, I still feel comfort just having her nearby. I've never felt this way with another person, and at times I feel like I don't deserve someone as wonderful as her.
Which brings me to the point that I brought up at the beginning of this blog: When I'm at a stage in my life when I'm this happy, I suddenly don't always feel about writing about the walking dead, people disemboweling each other, monsters, demons, or any other topics which make the horror genre. Which might be where these ideas for fantasy and SF stories have come from all of a sudden.
Maybe once I start learning how to cope with being happy (yes, it's been long enough that I actually now have to learn how to handle happiness,) I can use it to my advantage for writing in the genre which I have known and loved for many years.
In the meantime, we'll see what my brain comes up with for stories in the meantime.
Cheers.
I always found I tend to write better when I'm upset or just downright pissed off. The ideas for horror stories would flow faster than I could write them. I still have a few of those ideas rattling around in my brain, just waiting for me to finish what I'm currently working on so I can devote my full attention to them.
Here are a few of the things on my plate at the moment:
1. I'm currently working on a WAR themed story for a group I belong to. No plans on markets to submit this piece to, we all just decided to all write stories on a specific theme in order to help the creative juices flow. This story has been on a standstill for the last week, but I had an "AHA!" moment a few days ago, and I think I've finally figured out which direction this story wants to go, so I should have a first draft completed very soon.
2. I have just about finished editing another story. I'm very pleased with how this one turned out and I'm hoping to find a home for it soon.
3. Once those two stories are out of the way, I have another piece to write. This one won't be a horror story, but just a weird tale that I can't seem to get out of my head. I didn't want to start writing it until worked out some sort of ending for it, which I think I have now, so once I'm finished with the two tales mentioned above, I'll write this one next.
4. I spoke to a friend of mine, who is also a writer, about collaborating on a novella. He seemed pretty excited about the idea, so I told him I would shoot off some concepts I have to him (there are 3 novella ideas rattling around in my brain at the moment) and see if he digs any of them, and once we're both finished with the projects we have going, we might do this thing.
5. Even though the YA fantasy has been on hold for quite some time, I have every intention of getting back into it ASAP. I still love the idea for this book, and I want to get it done a s quickly as I can, while still making it as good as I can get it. With other stories I've been writing, I haven't been able to devote as much time to it as I'd like, but I'm hoping that will change in the near future.
6. The horror novel is on hold for the time being. I need to flesh it out a bit more before I can continue on with it.
7. I've been thinking about doing NaNoWriMo this year. For those of you who don't know, NaNoWriMO is an event in which during the month of November, you basically write an entire novel. 50,000 words is the goal. I thought it would be a good challenge, and I came up with two novel ideas I'm kicking around. The only thing holding me back is that Both ideas are SF. One is hard SF, and the other is more of a screwball comedy taking place in SF setting. I'm not very well-versed in the genre, which is why I'm skeptical about trying either of these ideas for NaNOWriMo. But, we'll see. I may decide to do it yet.
So, those are the things that are on my plate these days.
But back to what I orginally set out to talk about here. Happiness.
I get way too much time to think these days, and I'm going through a lot of bullshit in my life right now, yet I realized today, that I am quite content with my life at this point. I'm confused by this, because I figure with everything going on, I should be hanging out of a window fifty stories up, wondering if life is really worth it.
But I'm not.
Despite everything going on, I've been spending an enormous amount of time with my kids. Right now, I get them every other week, and the time spent with them has been amazing. The kids and I have had a great time playing baseball, going to the park, taking the dog for walks, or just staying at home and watching a movie, or even building a fort for them in the living room. It's been wonderful, and I marvel every day at how I played a part in the creation of these beautiful human beings.
On top of that, I got married on August 22nd. It was a small, outdoor wedding, and rain threatened to interrupt it the entire time, but the day went off without a hitch. Not a drop of rain showed up, the temperature was just perfect. My brother and his wife even made it up, despite living in a different country, and my brother served as best man, while my wife's sister was the maid of honor.
We didn't have a lot of people there (between 40 or 50) but it was great. I preferred having only those closest to us present. One person couldn't attend, and I was disappointed, but it still worked out great.
So, I am now on my second marriage and it is world's apart from the first one.
In my first marriage, I was demeaned, controlled, and I felt worthless. It got to the point where I used to call work and ask if I could go in, just to get away from that atmosphere. I was made to feel like I didn't matter.
My new wife, is caring, supportive, and with her I feel like can accomplish anything. She never puts me down. Instead, she encourages me to strive for my dreams, and she'll do anything she can to help make them a reality. For the time in many years, I don't dread coming home. I look forward to it. I love waking up in the morning and having someone beside me. Even the days when we're both in the house doing our own thing, I still feel comfort just having her nearby. I've never felt this way with another person, and at times I feel like I don't deserve someone as wonderful as her.
Which brings me to the point that I brought up at the beginning of this blog: When I'm at a stage in my life when I'm this happy, I suddenly don't always feel about writing about the walking dead, people disemboweling each other, monsters, demons, or any other topics which make the horror genre. Which might be where these ideas for fantasy and SF stories have come from all of a sudden.
Maybe once I start learning how to cope with being happy (yes, it's been long enough that I actually now have to learn how to handle happiness,) I can use it to my advantage for writing in the genre which I have known and loved for many years.
In the meantime, we'll see what my brain comes up with for stories in the meantime.
Cheers.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Third and Fourth Born
Yes, I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything on here. Life has been busy and pretty much kicking me in the balls lately.
So, before I finish off the "Happiest Days of my Life" series I began several months ago, here's a bit of an update as to what's been going on the past few months.
1. I submitted a story to an anthology, and still have not heard back as of yet. I'm hoping that this is a good sign and the story is still in the running.
2. I moved back to my hometown of North Bay, Ontario. It is a city I have always hated (still do, as a matter of fact) but I get to see my kids and that's all that matters.
3. I got married for the second time in my life, and I could not be happier with my new wife. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met and she is extremely supportive, especially with my writing. She is very uplifting and encourages me to follow my dreams. I'd be lost without her.
4. The book project that I have going with a few other authors has been put on hold temporarily due to unforeseen circumstances. Hopefully, we will be putting it out in the near future.
So, in the last blog I discussed the birth of my second child. In this third and final installment of a series where I decided to discuss the four happiest days of my life, I will talk about the birth of my third and fourth children.
Yes, I am aware that the first two got a blog each to themselves, but I decided to combine the last two for various reasons, which I will go into later.
For now, on with the show:
March 19th, 2004:
In those days, I worked as a screening officer at an airport here in North Bay. It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds. While at work, I got a call from my wife, to tell me that she had started to feel labor pains. I asked if she wanted me to come home.
Apparently she was still at the birthday party of a friend's child, and she wasn't ready to leave yet. So, I hung up the phone and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I ended up finishing my shift, which ended at 8pm. I rushed home, wondering what the hell was going on.
When I got there, imagine my surprise when I find my wife sitting on the couch talking to her sister, who just happened to show up on our doorstep when her little sister was in labor. Wht's even more amazing is the fact that I don't recall her asking me for money once while she was there that day.
So, what happened?
Well, since everything was okay, we were finally allowed to have our home birth. So, my third child, another boy, was born at our home at 8:30 pm. Yes, only half an hour after I got off work, we had a child. Amazing how things work out sometimes.
So, now we had another baby in the house. A beautiful little boy. Only problem was, we had no idea what we were going to name him.
For each of the two older ones, we had the names picked out months before they were born. For whatever reason, we had yet to decide on a name for this new bundle of joy.
We spent about two hours discussing it, and tossing out ideas to each other, until I finally made a suggestion and we both agreed it was a good name. And we kept it, and signed the paperwork and our child finally had a name.
Then I realized that we had 4 or 5 friends that had kids with the exact same name. I was slightly disappointed, but looking back on it, I don't regret it. It really is a good name.
He's five years old now, and he is the exact opposite of his older brother. While the older boy is sensitive and introspective, this one is very outgoing and rambunctious. I see the older one being a poet, or musician or another type of artist, while the younger I think will be an athlete of some kind. Maybe a football player.
He likes to joke around and he's very silly. He craves attention. There is never a dull moment with him around.
He is such a joy to have around.
August 1st, 2005:
The fourth child, I am saddened to report is the only of my four children at whose birth I was not present.
By that time, the mother and I had separated.
I was sleeping in that day, as I had played in a bar the night before and I was really tired. So, I get a phone call in the morning, waking me up. I had half a mind to not even bother answering the phone. Especially when I looked at the caller id and saw that it was my soon-to-be ex-wife calling.
Still, I picked it up, probably out of morbid curiosity, and was informed that I was the father of another beautiful little girl. I was told her time of birth, weight, and name. I mumbled something, I can't really remember what, and hung up the phone. I think I was in shock.
I lay back down, but I couldn't get back to sleep. I imagined in my head what my new baby looked like. I was sad that I wasn't there to see her being brought into the world as I had with my other children. I was really upset that I hadn't held her yet, even though she was more than a few hours old at that point.
That was not only one of the best days of my life, but also one of the worst. I felt like a failure as a father to not be able to be there during the birth.
I should have been there, but circumstances prevented it from happening.
She is four now, and is the spitting image of her older sister. They even look alike, and the younger one tries to emulate her older sister.
She is very outgoing, just like her older sister was, and rarely displays any form of shyness. She is playful, and very imaginative. She will make up games to play on the spot, that may seem odd to us as adults, but she is very creative in what she comes up with.
She is such a cutie. I couldn't imagine life without her.
So, the reasons I chose to do the two younger children in one blog are:
1. It's been a long time in between posts and I wanted to finish this series and move on to other things.
2. There isn't as much to these stories as there were to the first two. they were longer births and longer stories.
I don't wish this in any way to take away from the births of the two younger children. I love them just as much as their older siblings. I have no favorite when it comes to my kids. They are all equal in my eyes.
So, this concludes my series on "The Four Happiest Days of My Life." I hope that one day they will read these blogs and know that I still do, and always will, remember the day they were born as if it happened only yesterday, and that they will know that I love them and would do anything for them.
If you're reading this, thank you for taking this journey with me. It has been wonderful to relive those memories, and I hope to share more such memories in the future.
Thank you to my children for all the moments of happiness you have brought to me. Life wouldn't be the same without you. I love you all.
So, before I finish off the "Happiest Days of my Life" series I began several months ago, here's a bit of an update as to what's been going on the past few months.
1. I submitted a story to an anthology, and still have not heard back as of yet. I'm hoping that this is a good sign and the story is still in the running.
2. I moved back to my hometown of North Bay, Ontario. It is a city I have always hated (still do, as a matter of fact) but I get to see my kids and that's all that matters.
3. I got married for the second time in my life, and I could not be happier with my new wife. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met and she is extremely supportive, especially with my writing. She is very uplifting and encourages me to follow my dreams. I'd be lost without her.
4. The book project that I have going with a few other authors has been put on hold temporarily due to unforeseen circumstances. Hopefully, we will be putting it out in the near future.
So, in the last blog I discussed the birth of my second child. In this third and final installment of a series where I decided to discuss the four happiest days of my life, I will talk about the birth of my third and fourth children.
Yes, I am aware that the first two got a blog each to themselves, but I decided to combine the last two for various reasons, which I will go into later.
For now, on with the show:
March 19th, 2004:
In those days, I worked as a screening officer at an airport here in North Bay. It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds. While at work, I got a call from my wife, to tell me that she had started to feel labor pains. I asked if she wanted me to come home.
Apparently she was still at the birthday party of a friend's child, and she wasn't ready to leave yet. So, I hung up the phone and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I ended up finishing my shift, which ended at 8pm. I rushed home, wondering what the hell was going on.
When I got there, imagine my surprise when I find my wife sitting on the couch talking to her sister, who just happened to show up on our doorstep when her little sister was in labor. Wht's even more amazing is the fact that I don't recall her asking me for money once while she was there that day.
So, what happened?
Well, since everything was okay, we were finally allowed to have our home birth. So, my third child, another boy, was born at our home at 8:30 pm. Yes, only half an hour after I got off work, we had a child. Amazing how things work out sometimes.
So, now we had another baby in the house. A beautiful little boy. Only problem was, we had no idea what we were going to name him.
For each of the two older ones, we had the names picked out months before they were born. For whatever reason, we had yet to decide on a name for this new bundle of joy.
We spent about two hours discussing it, and tossing out ideas to each other, until I finally made a suggestion and we both agreed it was a good name. And we kept it, and signed the paperwork and our child finally had a name.
Then I realized that we had 4 or 5 friends that had kids with the exact same name. I was slightly disappointed, but looking back on it, I don't regret it. It really is a good name.
He's five years old now, and he is the exact opposite of his older brother. While the older boy is sensitive and introspective, this one is very outgoing and rambunctious. I see the older one being a poet, or musician or another type of artist, while the younger I think will be an athlete of some kind. Maybe a football player.
He likes to joke around and he's very silly. He craves attention. There is never a dull moment with him around.
He is such a joy to have around.
August 1st, 2005:
The fourth child, I am saddened to report is the only of my four children at whose birth I was not present.
By that time, the mother and I had separated.
I was sleeping in that day, as I had played in a bar the night before and I was really tired. So, I get a phone call in the morning, waking me up. I had half a mind to not even bother answering the phone. Especially when I looked at the caller id and saw that it was my soon-to-be ex-wife calling.
Still, I picked it up, probably out of morbid curiosity, and was informed that I was the father of another beautiful little girl. I was told her time of birth, weight, and name. I mumbled something, I can't really remember what, and hung up the phone. I think I was in shock.
I lay back down, but I couldn't get back to sleep. I imagined in my head what my new baby looked like. I was sad that I wasn't there to see her being brought into the world as I had with my other children. I was really upset that I hadn't held her yet, even though she was more than a few hours old at that point.
That was not only one of the best days of my life, but also one of the worst. I felt like a failure as a father to not be able to be there during the birth.
I should have been there, but circumstances prevented it from happening.
She is four now, and is the spitting image of her older sister. They even look alike, and the younger one tries to emulate her older sister.
She is very outgoing, just like her older sister was, and rarely displays any form of shyness. She is playful, and very imaginative. She will make up games to play on the spot, that may seem odd to us as adults, but she is very creative in what she comes up with.
She is such a cutie. I couldn't imagine life without her.
So, the reasons I chose to do the two younger children in one blog are:
1. It's been a long time in between posts and I wanted to finish this series and move on to other things.
2. There isn't as much to these stories as there were to the first two. they were longer births and longer stories.
I don't wish this in any way to take away from the births of the two younger children. I love them just as much as their older siblings. I have no favorite when it comes to my kids. They are all equal in my eyes.
So, this concludes my series on "The Four Happiest Days of My Life." I hope that one day they will read these blogs and know that I still do, and always will, remember the day they were born as if it happened only yesterday, and that they will know that I love them and would do anything for them.
If you're reading this, thank you for taking this journey with me. It has been wonderful to relive those memories, and I hope to share more such memories in the future.
Thank you to my children for all the moments of happiness you have brought to me. Life wouldn't be the same without you. I love you all.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
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